Nick R Thomas - A Public Speaker's Blog

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Friday, May 30

Malling it over!

by Nick R Thomas A.L.A.M. (Public Speaking) on Fri 30 May 2008 12:28 AM BST

Kings Hill Active Retirement Association (KINARA)

Two days after speaking in Hereford, I was off on my travels again, this time back to Kent. My talk was for the Kings Hill Active Retirement Association (KINARA) which is part of the KentARA.

There are more than 80 of these Active Retirement Associations in the county and they all have names made up of their location followed by the letters ARA, for example, the first one I ever spoke to was at Bearsted near Maidstone (BEARA) in November 2001 - a great crowd! - and I have been booked by a number of others since then. I have found that they are always extremely well-attended and, like all Kent audiences, highly responsive to humorous talks.

I travelled by rail to Victoria then changed for West Malling from where I had been asked to take a taxi out to the Kings Hill Community Centre. The event was their Annual General Meeting and I was due to speak afer the tea break following the business. I arrived in good time and quietly entered the hall for the last few minutes of the AGM before the break.

I started speaking at 3.15pm on My Life as a Freelance Comedy Writer. I had been asked to do 45 minutes and (if I say so myself), I timed this perfectly - the cassette I had been using to record the talk ended exactly as the audience started to applaud after I had finished! My hearing was still muffled and I was persecuted by a rogue lapel mic which seemed to produce screeching feedback at the slightest movement but it went well judging by the material I had to leave out if I was to accommodate all the laughter and not overrun.

Just one thing, though: although there were 118 present, I only sold 4 booklets! (Compare this with Hereford two days earlier where there were 250 attending and I sold 70). But then there was also a very low take-up of the free Twelve Tips for terrified Speakers leaflets and I think this can be put down to the AGM. The audience had sat through a very long meeting on a hot afternoon and it was now 4pm and I think many of them wanted to get away, especially as it was the school holidays and some of them would have had grandchildren staying with them. The announcements and discussions had included details of a number of forthcoming excursions and their prices and I think this perhaps made the retired audience consider their expenditure. And I'm not sure whether annual subs were paid at this meeting but, if so, this would have been another factor.

Public Speaking Tip #203: Sometimes the length or content of a business meeting can have a direct effect on your presentation, either in terms of having to cut it short or the audience leaving straight afterwards so there is very little chatting, merchandising or giving away literature. It is perhaps something to bear in mind when accepting an offer to speak at an AGM but it can, in theory, happen at any event.

But although I am very proud of Nick R's in a Twist! and I want people to read it (and, of course, the extra income is welcome too!), the talk was the reason to be there and that went well. I must thank KINARA's Speaker Co-ordinator Mary Castle who gave me a lift back to West Malling and described some of the sights of this attractive and historic small town which contrasts sharply with the modern estate in which the Kings Hill Community Halls are situated.

My ear was giving me problems yet again on the train back to Bournemouth but I was fortunate in that it was never actually runny during any of these last four talks (I think the motion of trains and coaches seemed to set it off!)

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Tuesday, May 27

Humour for Hundreds in Hereford! Part 2: Blake, a barnstormer, a Baroness and beverages!

by Nick R Thomas A.L.A.M. (Public Speaking) on Tue 27 May 2008 11:57 PM BST

Speaking at Herefordshire Federation of Women's Institutes 87th Annual Council Meeting

I was greeted at the Courtyard, Herefordshire's Centre for the Arts by Maggie Pridgeon who was my Speaker Hostess for the day. I have mentioned before that at some engagements, the person assigned to look after the speaker sometimes acts more like a guard (usually the males, I have to say!) but Maggie was excellent, doing everything to make the day run smoothly for me and delivering a super vote of thanks after my talk. I was introduced to the Federation Chairman Mrs Angela Southwell and the outgoing Federation Secretary Joanne Skelton who had booked me to speak at this event. Although the meeting wasn't due to begin for about half an hour, the venue was already very busy with WI members ordering coffee.

The meeting was being held in the Main House at the centre and I went in to set up early. I would be speaking from behind a lectern on the stage to an audience of around 235, including many up in the gods. There would also be Joanne and Angela at a table to my immediate right, the Mayor on the other side of them and, behind all of us, a row of other Committee members, Trustees, etc, bringing the total audience number up to around 250.

I put my various props on a table. This could not be left on the stage ready for me because it would have obscured the view of the members at the back of the stage for the best part of an hour before I was on and it would also have spoiled the symmetry of the very attractive floral arrangements so it was agreed that the Stage Managers would carry it in with my items laid out ready on top just as I was introduced.

Public Speaking Tip #194: I have always found when speaking in theatres that the technical staff are very helpful if they know my requirements.

A table had been set up for me outside the Main House and I put my free Twelve Tips for Terrified Speakers! leaflets there for members to take as they filed in. I also had my Nick R's in a Twist! booklets under the table ready to set out and sell during the lunch break following the morning's business.

Then everyone took their seats. Mine was on the end of an aisle, fairly close to the stage for when I was introduced but also convenient for the exits so that I could slip out for a comfort break with the minimum of disruption before that.

Public Speaking Tip #195: If you are not going to be seated on the platform before your introduction but among the audience, then you need to sit somewhere close by, either in the front row or near to it and on the end, so that you can get to the stage with the minimum amount of delay.

I think it's best to be waiting in the wings just before you are introduced. This not only means that you are physically prepared (ie standing) but also that there is no delay while you make my way to the stage area; it's seamless and theatrical.

Public Speaking Tip #196: Try to find out the timing of an event so that you can fit in a comfort break before you speak. This is important, not just for the obvious reasons, but also because it gives you a little bit more time on your own for mental preparation.

The meeting was planned to the minute. It began at 10.30 with, as always at large WI events, the singing of Jerusalem (I lip-synch; speaking I can do, singing - no!) and then Mrs Southwell welcomed us all to the meeting.

One of the reasons why I particularly wanted to be there for the start of the meeting was to hear how formally the Chairman would greet everyone. I knew that the Mayor of Hereford would be present and I was also aware that a Member of the House of Lords, Baroness Thomas, was due to speak that afternoon but I did not know whether she would be present at any point during the morning's proceedings. There were also a small number of other men present besides the Mayor.

Mrs Southwell began with 'Honoured guests, ladies and gentlemen, fellow members' and this gave me an idea of who was present and the level of formality required (when it was eventually my turn to speak, I opened with 'Honoured guests, ladies and gentlemen').

Public Speaking Tip #197: If you are uncertain about the correct form of address to use when speaking at an event, pay special attention to the Master of Ceremonies/ Toastmaster/Chairman, etc. Note the terms they use to include everyone present and then leave out any which do not apply to you (or only apply to you). If you are the person running the event and there are going to be dignitaries present, look up the correct forms of address.

The first guest speaker was the Right Worshipful Mayor of Hereford, Councillor Chris Chappell. You can read about his speech (including a further Public Speaking Tip) in the Photos section.

Mrs Southwell's own speech challenged the traditional stereotypical image of Women's Institute members and contrasted it with the campaigns and activities that WIs are involved in, locally and nationally: 'Are you "warm and cosy" or ready for a challenge?'

There were a number of further reports and I sat in the audience getting a sense of the event and making my final decision about what material to include. The agenda was very strictly timed and I had a 40-minute slot for The Power of Humour in Everyday Life. I knew how I would open and close and also which anecdotes, observations and facts would go in-between and how they would link together but I was listening out for anything extra that I could include. I also noticed that the audience responded very well to humour and decided to omit a couple of items because I predicted that the amount of laughter for my other material would probably not leave time for them!

About fifteen minutes before I was due to be introduced, I quietly slipped out for my break, taking my notes in case of any last-minute thoughts! I was back in the Main House about three minutes before the time when I was due to begin. I did not go back to my seat but waited in the wings, visible to Mrs Southwell. Then she began her introduction, my table was brought on as arranged, and I stepped out in front of the audience.

Speaking on stage in theatre is a little different from other presentations in that you are in the glare of the lights but the audience is in darkness; consequently they can all see you but you can see very few of them and cannot make the usual eye contact or judge from facial expressions how well you are doing. This wasn't a problem as they were a fantastic, sharp audience who laughed loud and long from the very start.

The only 'problem' (if you can call it that) was the row of ladies behind me. I could look around at the audience in front of me and up in the gods (even if I couldn't see them) and I could look to the right at the ladies next to me on stage but turning around 180 degrees and looking behind would have been one bit of eye contact too many; better that these few looked at my bald spot and backside than the other 200+!

Public Speaking Tip #199: Although you should try to make eye contact with as many of your audience as possible (even if you cannot really see them, for example, because of the bright lights in a theatre) there will be some for whom this is just not practical, such as people sitting directly behind you. Do at least try to have some connection with those to your immediate left or right, for instance, your fellow diners at the Top Table if you are speaking after a lunch or dinner.

In this case, it was certainly very important that I should look to my right: there was no visible clock in the theatre so Joanne had placed a small one on the table. About five minutes before the end of my talk, just before my final (very WI-based) anecdote, I noticed that the time showing was 12.03 - when I was due to finish! I estimated that the event was running about five minutes behind schedule when I was introduced and also that, due to the excellent response, I would still be able to include this last story but, just to make sure, as the laughter from the previous item was dying down, I quickly confirmed with the Chairman that I could carry on. The story went brilliantly, as had all the WI references and, indeed the whole talk (my hearing was still muffled despite my starting to use the prescribed medication but when I listened to the recording later, the sound of 40 minutes of 250 people's laughter echoing around a theatre sounded terrific).

Public Speaking Tip #200 (yes - 200!): If you have not completed your allotted amount of time but an event is running a little behind schedule, it may be better to ask (as discreetly as possible) if it's OK to carry on for a little while longer rather than be cut off in your prime! If the audience has been enjoying your presentation then your wish will usually be granted.

After Maggie's vote of thanks and a little more business, it was time for lunch and I went out to my sales table where a queue was already forming. I sold (and signed) a very large number of booklets and then had a buffet lunch with Mrs Southwell and the Mayor until I was told that others were waiting there to buy more books!

I had been told that there would be up to 300 at the event and, in trying to estimate how many booklets to take, I had taken into account what had been my highest percentage sale at a WI which was a 33% when I spoke at Milford-on-Sea last year so I took 100.

In the end, there were 250 who heard me speak at Hereford and I sold 70 copies, an excellent number, especially considering that many members had the expense of travelling in from far-flung parts of the county. I hope my booklets made a good souvenir for them. I also worked out that 202 took my tips leaflets - which just shows how much demand there is for guidance about public speaking!

Public Speaking Tip #201: If you are trying to estimate how much merchandise to take to a speaking engagement, find out how many are expected to attend and consider what was your biggest percentage sale at similar events.

Where free items, such as leaflets, are concerned, take enough for everybody!

I stayed for the afternoon session because I wanted to hear the speech by the Liberal Democrat peer Baroness Thomas of Walliswood (no relation!), who had arrived at lunchtime. She was a replacement for Baroness Gale who had been originally booked but then had to drop out a few weeks before the event.

Baroness Thomas had a 40-minute slot for a speech plus questions about the workings of the House of Lords. Her speech was about politics but she kept it non-party-political. Nevertheless, there were problems - with the microphone. This was a mic on a stand in front of the lectern and she was interrupted many times during her presentation by audience members saying that they couldn't hear her. From where I was sitting, I noticed when she turned over a page in her 'notes' that she was delivering typed paragraphs which were long and detailed and I think the position where she was standing in order to see to read all these facts and statistics just wasn't close enough to the mic. It was a great shame because she had some interesting material and a dry sense of humour. Fortunately, she had left a lot of time for questions and when she dealt with these, there was no need for a script so she leaned forward and was audible, lively and amusing. This was a textbook example of something which I have mentioned before in this blog: the fact that a good question and answer session can redeem an unsuccessful presentation, not least of all, because it is the last thing that speaker's audience hears.

There was one last guest presentation: a report from Greg Harvey, representing Taylors of Harrogate, blenders of Yorkshire Tea (which I have been enjoying while writing this post) and sponsors of the WI for 20 years.

It was said that this was Greg's first speaking engagement; I think it far more likely that it was his first WI engagement, or maybe his first for an audience of this size - it was just too polished for him to be a newcomer! He looked immaculate and had a natural smile throughout his delivery of facts and figures about the sponsorship, news of his company's Trees for Life project and details of new products, such as their Chocolate and Orange Cake. It would have been easy for some speakers to make the latter item sound patronising (speaking to women about chocolate!) but Greg's warm, enthusiastic delivery (helped by his broad South Shields accent) left no room for this. The audience really enjoyed his presentation and I was very impressed.

(I was even more impressed when the WI gave me the excellent Chocolate and Orange Cake!)

Public Speaking Tip #202: It's comedians who get the groupies whereas public speakers are more likely to get lunches, dinners, tea, coffee, biscuits and cakes; calories notwithstanding, these are probably far better for you!

Seriously, over the years at speaking engagements, in addition to fees and expenses, merchandising profits and (sometimes quite expensive) breakfasts, lunches or dinners, I have also been given book tokens, copies of publications and CDs produced by the other writers at events, bottles of wine (I'm actually a lifelong teetotaller but these are useful as gifts!), unwanted raffle prizes of various kinds...As the slogan for a UK supermarket chain declares, 'Every little helps!'

Of course, there have also been the repeat bookings and referrals - the lifeblood of any business.

Before leaving, I had tea with Angela Southwell, Jo Skelton and the Federation's new Secretary, Lynda Griffiths. It was a very enjoyable end to a fantastic day. I also enjoyed seeing some lovely Welsh countryside as my train journey from Hereford involved a change at Newport.

There are times when, even if I have really been looking forward to a speaking engagement, it can still greatly exceed my expectations; this was one of those occasions.

Postscript: I received this super unsolicited testimonial from Federation Secretary Lynda Griffiths:

"We all enjoyed your speech so much; the feedback from our members has been excellent".

And from the Hereford Times:

"Comedy script writer Nick R.Thomas (remember The News Huddlines?) brought the house down with his hilarious memories of guest speaking around the country and on the subject of 'The Power of Humour in Everyday Life'".

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Wednesday, May 14

Humour for Hundreds in Hereford! Part 1: Accommodating a Public Speaker

by Nick R Thomas A.L.A.M. (Public Speaking) on Wed 14 May 2008 09:54 PM BST

Preparing to speak at Herefordshire Federation of Women's Institutes Annual Council Meeting

Much of the week following the New Milton talk was spent in preparation for my next engagement: speaking at the HFWI Annual Council Meeting on 15 April. This all had to be fitted around my daily scriptwriting for radio presenters, some speechwriting commissions, and dealing with the usual emails, phone calls, etc. For a start, it was now very urgent that I should see my GP and get some treatment for the persistent ear infection. I also had to deliver and collect dry cleaning, buy some other clothes, research and purchase the cheapest rail tickets in advance and order and collect enough booklets to sell and leaflets to give away to an audience which I was told could number up to 300.

Public Speaking Tip #192: Although you will find that when you have a certain amount of experience you will be able to cope with pretty much any size of audience, there are numerous additional reasons for finding out in advance how many will be hearing you speak. These include:

determining your fee, obviously (although some tiny organisations pay surprisingly well and some large ones remarkably little, audience size is a reasonable guideline);

preparing enough free materials to distribute, such as leaflets;

calculating the approximate quantity of merchandise to take along if you are allowed to sell any items related to your presentation;

giving you some idea of the venue in which you will be speaking.

Then I had to sort out some accommodation as this engagement would involve staying in Hereford the night before my scheduled mid-morning talk.

The book Mortification: Writers' Stories of their Public Shame is a fascinating collection of authors' tales about embarrassments at readings, including the odd horror story about accommodation. When you are preparing for an important speaking engagement, it is very important to have (as motivational gurus like to say) an environment which supports you and, due to having had a couple of bad experiences involving less-than-supportive digs over the years, I now choose my accommodation very carefully if an engagement involves an overnight stay.

There was the literary festival a few years ago where I was booked for two talks, one in the evening and the other the following afternoon. It was in a tiny country town which I had visited in the past and I knew there was unlikely to be anywhere open to get a meal after the evening event. The festival organiser was arranging my accommodation and when I discussed this with her a few days before my arrival, she said she was sure that my landlady would have something for me. I took this to mean the owner of a hotel or at least a small B&B but when I arrived in the town, I discovered that I would be staying in a private house owned by an elderly woman who supported the festival by providing lodgings for guest speakers. Despite the fact that she appeared to live alone in a rambling four-bedroom, four-reception room house, the room I was allocated was crammed full of her personal effects; the drawers were packed solid and there was no space in the wardrobe for me to hang anything up.

I delivered the evening talk. It barnstormed and I did well on merchandising. About 10pm, I left the hall and the organiser said she would call in the morning to take me to her house for breakfast as my landlady had to leave very early for a meeting in London.

I went back to the house. The old woman was wearing a dressing gown and a huge amount of face cream (I've seldom seen that outside of comedy programmes!) She asked if I'd like a hot drink as she was just going to bed as she had to set off early in the morning. Then she disappeared. There was no meal, not even a sandwich. I went back into the town. The fish and chip shop was closed and there was no other restaurant, takeaway or late night shop open (all that merchandising money and nowhere to spend it!) I walked the length of the town up to the by-pass, figuring there might be a service station. There wasn't. I trudged back. It was now gone 11pm. My 'dinner' that night (the only food I'd had since lunchtime) consisted of two packets of crisps and three packs of Mini Cheddars from the pub.

Reading what other festival speakers had written in the visitors' book at the house, I got the impression that they were only really interested in liquid refreshments!

In fairness to the organiser, I think she had a certain amount of mortification of her own when I told her, judging from the huge breakfast and lunch she gave me. She even plied me with cakes for the coach journey home that afternoon after the second talk, even though this was only a couple of hours long!

Having discovered when I got back to Bournemouth that I also appeared to have left an important key somewhere among the jungle of bric-a-brac in the room, I resolved that from then on I would always stay in hotels and guest houses rather than accept free accommodation, even if this cut into my speaking fee. At least these would be uncluttered and I could find out beforehand whether food was served and, if not, buy some sandwiches beforehand if the town was too small to have anywhere open after an evening presentation.

But hotels are another minefield. The first time I spoke in the Midlands, I found a cheap hotel in Edgbaston which looked promising enough in the Yellow Pages (I wasn't using the internet back then). I collected a key from reception, walked past the back of a kitchen emitting a foul stench of greasy fry-ups and opened a door with a sign announcing in huge letters that the management took no responsibility for any thefts from the rooms. I wished someone had stolen some of the dirt from mine along with the long black hairs which decorated the bathroom. It struck me as the sort of hotel room which was, shall we say, rented by the hour rather than by the week. I stayed long enough to take photos of the state of it in case they tried to charge me and then handed the key back. The receptionist just said 'I'm so sorry', as if this happened all the time and she was only working there until she got something better (which wouldn't have been difficult).

After explaining my story, I got a low rate at the Quality Hotel further along the Hagley Road which was fine and I was refreshed enough to deliver a presentation the following morning which was very well received and led to some great testimonials and repeat bookings. The first hotel didn't charge me (I assumed they must have had a very high percentage of people who checked out before they'd really checked in) but I could have done without the stress they caused.

I was really looking forward to this Hereford booking - WI Council meetings are enjoyable events - and I wanted somewhere reasonably priced but pleasant to stay so I looked online. I had missed out on the cheap advance deal at the Travelodge (I'm not a huge fan of theirs anyway, especially as the rate is for room only). There is an old hotel right in the city centre, very near the station and the venue, but the reviews from guests of the accommodation, staff and food were just dreadful.

So I decided to consider hotels just a little further outside the centre and made an excellent choice: Brandon Lodge.

Very shortly after I had made the booking online, Monique who runs it left a very friendly message confirming the booking. On the morning before I set off, I rang to let her know what time I would be arriving that evening. They don't serve evening meals but she gave me the most clear, accurate directions to every possible restaurant near the station and said I should have a meal first and only check in at the hotel after that even though this would be late, rather than having to travel back into town afterwards.

There were no delays or overcrowding on the train journey from Bournemouth to Hereford (I had been dreading travelling with First Great Western from Reading after seeing so much negative press about them. I could have done without the rather loud New Age family in the 'quiet' carriage, though) and after having dinner at Ask, I took a (very reasonably priced) taxi to the hotel.

My room, located in a small unit in a courtyard, was clean, comfortable and attractive. A huge amount of thought has obviously gone into this place and others could learn so much from it. After staying up to fold 300 'Twelve Tips for Terrified Speakers!' leaflets (one of the jobs I didn't get around to before I set off!) I got some sleep.

I woke up a little later than I'd planned the next morning and didn't get to breakfast until 8.45 but I was still cheerfully served a very good meal by Kath. I then paid the very reasonable tariff and waited outside in the sunshine for the taxi.

I really can't recommend this hotel enough, especially for the price (and no, I don't own shares in it!) It's just the sort of place to stay before a big engagement. I hope to go there again one day.

Public Speaking Tip #193: It is most important to stay somewhere relaxing before an important speaking engagement. It's worth investing some time to choose the right accommodation, taking into account proximity to transport links, your venue and local restaurants, check-in times and tariff in relation to your overall fee. You need to be able to focus on preparing for your performance - the only 'stress' that should concern you should be the emphasis on a word as you rehearse!

Traffic was heavy so the journey to the venue took quite a while but the taxi fare still seemed surprisingly cheap and I arrived at Hereford's Courtyard venue in very good time.

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