Eulogies

The President of Southbourne Literary Society who introduced me and gave the vote of thanks was Mr Bonsor who was at LAMDA with my public speaking tutor Angela Brennan and delivered a superb eulogy at her memorial service. Although this was back in February 2000, I remember it very well and as I have noticed that a number of readers are discovering this blog and website while searching the net for guidance for speaking at funerals, I thought I would mention a few of the elements which made that speech so appropriate.

There must have been at least 100 people in the church and Mr Bonsor told us about how Angela was the best student at poetry readings when he studied with her. Anyone who had her as their teacher would have noticed how, even in her 60s, poetry was still important to her, both in the lessons she taught and in performances she still gave locally until her failing health meant she had to give up.

By contrast, he then went on to mention some of Angela's early professional credits, such as the first radio soap opera Mrs Dale's Diary. This was certainly something I didn't know about her; I suspect the same applied to many of the other mourners.

Public Speaking Tip #83: If you are preparing a eulogy, aim to make the content a mixture of familiar information about the deceased which those who knew them will remember with affection and facts about the person's achievements which may be less well-known, even surprising, thereby reinforcing the fact that they led a remarkable life.

The Christmas before Angela died, she had sent out an excellent self-published book of her own poetry. Mr Bonsor finished with a reading of one selection, a piece which I thought really stood out the first time I read it. It was about Angela's love of being amongst people of all kinds.

Of course, being a trained actor, his delivery was always likely to be faultless but I was still struck by how well he had familiarised himself with her poem. It was also an example of good structure in that finishing with it brought his speech full circle by referring back to poetry, a subject she had loved since she was a young student. And it was a very good choice of poem because there were so many people of all kinds present that day.

Public Speaking Tip #84: There are few occasions when a short, well-chosen reading can be more effective than at a memorial service. Choose carefully; rehearse well.

Eulogies tend to be short - and prepared at short notice. You have just a few hundred words in which to sum up a life. How do you go about this? Try asking yourself the following question...

Public Speaking Tip #85: If a complete stranger found the notes for the eulogy you prepared, or perhaps heard a recording of you delivering it, would your choice of words really make them wish they had known that person?